You keep telling yourself that maybe one day, the person you love would change. That maybe, one day, they will see what you see, they will feel what you feel, and regret all the wrongs they have done to you. You keep telling yourself that it will be okay, you can fix it- that giving them time will make them grow and appreciate who you are. You keep telling yourself that one day everything will turn out to be just as you planned and you both finally come to terms and be happy.
You keep telling yourself this and that and it hurts you later. It stings a little harder because you have been telling yourself these lies for years and deep down you know that at some point, you are going to come to a realization that some people are not meant to be yours. No matter how much history you have, no matter how hard you try, because at some point…. you are going to find yourself wanting more, wanting better. That is just human nature and you can only tolerate as much before you snap out of it. It could happen any time, a week from now, a month from now or maybe even a year. And when that day comes, you will tell yourself that your past is very important to you, you will tell yourself how much big of a role these people from your past played, and maybe you will even thank them. You will wonder how different your life could have been without them, both good and bad. You will forgive them and forgive yourself as well and move on. You will know what you deserve. You will finally open those beautiful eyes of yours and for the very first time, change will be brewing over the horizon and everyone who has hurt you will appear in front of you. You will whisper to yourself, ” I should have never fought so hard for love. I should have given myself time I needed to heal. Nonetheless, I want to thank you all for being a part of this amazing journey. I am a better person now and I could not have done it without you all.”
That time, you will find the happiness that exists on your terms. You will truly take time to figure out what moves you, what encourages your soul, what you deeply crave from life and I hope you have the courage to chase it. I hope you have the courage to believe that you are deserving of everything you have ever desired, that you are capable and worthy of creating the kind of life for yourself that lights the sparks within you. You have fire inside- I hope you never convince let yourself to stand still. I hope you show the world what you can do with all of that passion inside you.
I hope that when you are ready, you find the kind of love that makes you a softer person. The kind of love that makes you want to be better, the kind of love that believes in you and supports you, that stands by your side. I hope you find someone who quickly becomes your favorite thing- someone who makes the fall less fearful, someone you cant help but choosse everyday. I hope you find something real in the world of fake, something that will stick around when things get hard. Nothing is more beautiful than loving someone who builds you a home in their heart.
And if you already have this, don’t let go.
Love and hugs,